Thursday, March 29, 2007

Fast food restaurants debate favorite ways to torture animals
The decision by Burger King to buy a tiny fraction of its pigs and chickens from humane suppliers before flame-broiling their flesh into crispy deliciousness has sparked a debate on how best to torture the remaining 98% to death.

While Burger King is fond of the gas chamber, KFC prefers to taser chickens to death, but won't rule out the electric chair, the guillotine, pistol-whipping, tar-and-feather, lethal injection, the hangman's noose, and, perhaps surprisingly, the archaic draw-and-quarter. A Burger King spokesman explained, "we could tie the chickens to the pigs and, when the pigs skedaddle, nugget city!"

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