Thursday, May 01, 2008

Some shite for yez

SOD - Derby 2.0

Absinthe makes the heart go yonder

"True meaning of Derby" in LEO's Derby issue. (I also contributed to the 1875 fake LEO cover, but I don't think it's online.)

What a Week, April 30

+ 3
Kentucky made news in a national ranking that didn't involve obesity, smoking or basketball! In a study by the US Department of Health and Human Services, Kentucky scored among the lowest in the nation in drivers impaired by alcohol or drugs. Those hopheads in Wisconsin scored highest and those abstemious Utahans scored lowest. It's Derby week, people. Don't screw the pooch.

- 4
Just when you thought the George Bush/Mitch McConnell war economy couldn't get worse, news came of a worldwide food crisis. With some countries facing riots, local stores here saw intermittent shortages of rice and other grains, mostly due to hoarding in anticipation of higher future prices. But we have our priorities and everything's going to be swell: the legislature approved the 21,000-seat expansion of Papa J's Cardinal Stadium.

A federal grant will fund a new program to help first- or second-time youth offenders avoid a life of crime. The $209,000 grant from the Project Safe Neighborhood Anti-Gang Initiative will fund the West Chestnut Street CHARACTERS program to help kids avoid making bad choices, and represents a baby step in getting away from our prison culture.

Ford Motor Company promised Louisville it will replace the Explorer with a vehicle that won't totally suck ass. Rededicating its commitment to Louisville's auto workers, Ford pledged to convert the Fern Valley Road Assembly Plant into a flexible plant that can produce multiple models. Meanwhile, Metro revealed a new study identifying "retail gaps", which would help us do what we do best better: shop. [Spoiler alert: the east end is pretty much covered.] But hell, it's Derby Week, when even ugly people and IT staff can get laid, so the World-Class-Odometer has to be high, right? Right.


What a Week, April 16

Mayor Abramson opened the first 23-mile section of the Louisville Loop, giving townsfolk another way to get back to nature. The paved walking/biking route runs from the waterfront downtown west through Portland and Shawnee to the Farnsley-Moremen Landing and includes gorgeous canopied woods, wetlands, and a river view. The 100-mile Loop will eventually encircle the entire city.

The U.S. Supreme Court ruled 7-2 in favor of Kentucky's method of lethal injection, paving the way for states to resume killing people for killing people. The majority opinion ruled that Kentucky's three-drug cocktail does not constitute cruel and unusual punishment, even though similar injections in Florida and Ohio recently went awry and it's been outlawed for use on dogs. Despite the ruling, no Kentucky prisoners face imminent execution. Texas officials, however, exclaimed, "Yee-haw!"

Americans idle. And that's a problem that could lead to the death of all living things and – even worse – wastes gas. So the Louisville Metro Air Pollution Control District is considering citywide restrictions on automotive idling to cut pollution, which could impact everyone from truck drivers and cops to soccer dads in the carpool line. But why wait for The Man to clamp down when you can turn your car off now?

A 5.2 earthquake jiggled Louisville, making your Cheerios taste a little better and your job seem a little sexier and your coffee taste a little frothier and God seem somewhat plausible. At least until that 1 p.m. staff meeting sucked the joy back out of your soul, but still, not bad.

+ 7.2