My cat is such a lazy bones!
My cat Fluff is so lazy! I mean, all he does is lie around taking naps all day. Just getting up to eat is a major pain in the ass to him. I hate to complain, but he's just not pulling his weight around here like he used to. Just a couple of years ago, Fluff was a busy beaver, chasing birds and field mice. Once, he even killed a baby squirrel just for sport and left it for the dog to eat. How we grimaced when we heard those soft bones crunching lightly just before Jake swallowed the whole baby squirrel in one furry gulp! But those days are gone. Now it's just sleep, sleep, sleep. Frankly, I'd think it would get awful boring just lying in the sun all day like a frat boy who smoked too many one-hits on the Fourth of July and watched an entire interleague baseball double header, too lazy to even get off the couch to score some Flamin Hot Crunchy Cheetos. And he's somewhere in the middle of nine lives of this shit! I mean, climb a tree. Jump off a limb and land on your fuckin' feet, for Chrissakes. Lick your butthole. Would it kill you to swat around some fucking yarn? I guess we all slow down as we get older. Maybe I'm just jealous. I guess it would be pretty nice to just take a load off for a couple of years. Maybe I'll just take a little siesta right now. Jesus, what a pussy.