Thursday, June 21, 2007

From this week's LEO

Synfuelly delicious
When Governor Fletcher announced he might call a special session of the General Assembly to pass legislation giving tax incentives to a super-secret alternative energy company, rumors ran wild about what the exciting new energy might be. We here at LEO are totally betting it’s dilithium crystals! No, wait: the flux capacitor! Or maybe it’s the bullshit-burning engine, which could tap the abundant resources coming out of Frankfort. But the fuddy-duddy money is betting it’s coal-to-liquid fuel technology.

The technology to convert coal to diesel, gasoline, or “synfuel” has existed since the 1920s. It’s easy to make, runs in standard engines, and costs about the same as gas from oil. Nazi Germany and South Africa notoriously made synfuels when the world cut off their oil supplies during their respective atrocities. The US has never embraced the technology, partly because its leaders have traditionally been oil men, and partly because "coal-to-liquid" is harder to rhyme than "bubblin' crude." But with Team Bush’s Middle East in flames and Kentucky sitting on mountaintops of coal, synfuels are a natural for the Commonwealth... to whore out to some megacorporation to get rich on.

So why the secrecy? Aside from the fact that it’s just good fun making the media squirm, it’s also an election year. One school of thought is that the Governor wants to sneak in some pro-Goober legislation along with the alt-fuel bill, perhaps propping up much-need support for God, the flag or heterosexuality. Or maybe it’s more convenient to sleep with the company behind closed doors a few times before you let it schtup you in public. Whatever it is, it better be sweet. A special session costs $60K per day and the Governor lags about 20 points behind Democrat Steve Beshear in the polls.

Update: Fletcher announced a special session to begin July 5 to consider tax legislation. He declined to express support for heterosexual marriage. People fascinated with that topic should be sure to enjoy Family Foundation's David Edmunds' CJ editorial on anal intercourse, which helpfully explains that the "reproductive and digestive systems are separate and unique."

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