Friday, August 17, 2007

From this week's LEO:

Blown awake: Young Republicans with spunk
When Hoosier republican Glenn Murphy Jr abruptly resigned from his posts as chairman of both the Clark County Republican Party and the Young Republican National Federation, bloggers nationwide dashed to their online thesauri for clever oral sex synonyms. That's because Murphy apparently didn't resign to take a new job (after "praying with his family"), as he claimed in a statement, but because of another kind of job altogether: The Clark County Sherriff's Department is investigating Murphy for alleged "criminal deviate conduct" after a 22-year-old young republican accused chairman Murphy of fellating him while he slept.

Murphy, 33, has not been charged with a crime, but the widely googlable police report details the accusation: After a raucous night of drunken republican debauchery, Murphy and his young republican friends went to sleep. The victim later awoke to find Murphy "doing things" to his young republican penis. From there, the report gets much worse. Murphy contends the sex was consensual, presumably at least until the man woke up. Murphy, who was Clark County Republican chairman for seven years, was charged with a similar allegation in 1998 by a 21-year-old male, who also claimed Murphy assaulted him in his sleep. Those charges were dropped.

In other republican fellatio news, Florida representative Bob Allen completed the neat trifecta of infuriating African Americans, homosexuals and republicans in one fell swoop. Allen refuses to resign after being arrested for offering $20 to an undercover police officer to allow him to perform oral sex on the officer in a public park men's room. Allen is charged with solicitation for prostitution.

Taking a bad situation and making it much worse, Allen claimed he offered the officer money and sex because he was afraid of him because he was black. Further digging in, the ample-chinned Allen said that because there were other black men in the park, he expected to be robbed. Oral sex plus 20 bucks seemed like the smart way out.

Allen, who until his arrest was John McCain's campaign manager in Florida, is a longtime foe of gay rights and a staunch supporter of a state amendment to ban gay marriage. He also opposed a bill that would curb bullying of gay students. Perhaps most poetic of all, he sponsored a bill to strengthen Florida's ban on public sex. If he is convicted, he faces up to a year in prison, partly on the strength of his own legislation.

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