Not an Onion headline
6 Army of Mary nuns in Hot Springs excommunicated

Questions:

Why does Mary need an army?
Is she planning to liberate Judas?
Do the nuns carry weapons?
If so, do they keep them under their habits?
When nuns get in hot springs, do the weapons under their habits rust?
Were they actually excommunicated in the hot springs or were they allowed to get out first?
Do religious people exist solely for the entertainment of the rest of us?
Do headline writers?