Cruisin' for cancer
Last week, Norton Healthcare launched a $100-million program to fight cancer in Louisville, including plans to buy a $1 million cancer-screening vehicle that will cruise the city's neighborhoods targeting prostate, lung, breast and colon cancers. The timing could not be better, considering several CSX train cars full of methyl ethyl ketone, cyclohexane and butadiene burned for much of the week, scorching not only TV reporters' tongues but also the already battle-scarred lungs of local residents.

Besides the TumorMobile, the anti-cancer effort will include 100 new employees, a new radiation center, and new prevention centers in local cancer hot-spots like Smoketown, Rubbertown, Obesetown, Mercuryboro and Methyl Ethyl Ketoneville. Norton figures business will boom, considering Kentucky has the highest cancer rate in the nation and Louisville's rate is higher than even the Kentucky average.

Of course, Rubbertown was the destination of that CSX cargo of poison, where those chemicals are converted to rubber for tires. And guess what it would be impossible to have a TumorMobile without? That's right: tires. Life (and death) are funny that way.