Mildly retarded man joins Kentucky governor's race
Declaring, " I shot at an animal that was eating my pig's food 9 times and missed every time," Otis "Bull Man" Hensley has announced his candidacy for Kentucky governor. Despite the poor marksmanship – indeed, the inability to even identify the "animal" that was eating his pig's food – Hensley is running on a second-amendment platform. "If anyone tries to take my gun away from me, he had better bring a bigger gun, a preacher, and his mother because the dam is going to break," Hensley said. Noting the complex mix of metaphors, some experts believe the mentally challenged Bull Man has raised the overall IQ of the pool of governor's candidates by as many as 20 points.

Kentucky, which has a rich history of slightly deranged candidates, already has a crowded field of gubernatorial candidates in this year's campaign, including several repeat felons, a war-mongering fascist, a republican who accidentally declared as a democrat, and an 11-year-old boy.

Perhaps inspired by mildly retarded former Texas Governor and current US President George W. Bush, the Bull Man also declared his intention to run for president in 2017, after he's "run the bull out of Frankfort." But the presidency will have to wait. If he's elected governor, the Bull Man promised to hold a pig roast on the Capitol grounds, after which he'll mow a forest with his riding lawnmower.