Instead of "Democrat," the answers I didn't give the polite precinct worker who asked me how I was registered for this morning's primary election:

"Why, do I look like a bloodthirsty, greedy, war-mongering homophobe to you?"

"As much as I enjoy canning Anne, I have to vote in the other race."

"I'm voting in the contest with a WHOLE BUNCH of criminals, not just three."

"Not the ones Jesus loves – the other ones."

"I just want someone to tax the living shit out of me, is that too much to ask?"

"I'm on the side that believes in science. But since there aren't any, the democrats will do."

"I'm on the side that will fund education. But since there aren't any, the democrats will do."

"I'm on the side that will fund social services. But since there aren't any, the democrats will do."

"I'm on the side that will shut the hell up about gay marriage and actually do something for Kentucky. But since there aren't any, the democrats will do."

"I'm on the side that will get the fuckin' bridge painted. But since there aren't any, the democrats will do."

"Gee, can't I vote against all of them?"